The Downward Spiral.

Look who got over himself and made a blog page. I'll update this whenever I feel like it. Can't promise there won't be uncomfortable things here.



Wednesday, Feb. 26, 2025
??:?? - Not a lot to say. Uneventful. Thought I'd just update this when make it. All I've been occupied with is food guilt, drawing smuppets, and most likely making people uncomfortable on Tumblr. Feels as though I'm drifting from the few people I talk to.
??:?? - Started using Tor. Just setting it up and shit. I'm biding my time until Monday. Short conversation with a Tumblr mutual. Cool.





Thursday, Feb. 27, 2025
3:47 AM - Have not slept. Drawing smuppets hurting themselves and each other as emotional relief until my hand aches.
7:20 AM - Still have not slept. Thinking about occlupanids now. Maybe I'll dig into that. Or read Detective Pony.
8:30 AM - Haven't slept. Was about to before this happened. I miss Cal.
5:12 PM - Finally got some rest. Already ate too much, trying my best to hold off. Nobody's online except one person and I feel bad bothering her. Not that there's anyone else to really talk to except Tumblr mutuals. I don't know.
9:46 PM - Similarly uneventful day. Ritual plans later. Had an alright call. Got 2 chapters into Pony Pals: Detective Pony before we got distracted. I have got to get weirder.




Friday, Feb. 28, 2025
2:03 PM - Haven't done much. My arms are still hellaciously sore. Went a little batshit about DirkJohn and classpects. Overate. My sickass godtier hood came in the mail way early. Thick fleece and comfortable as shit.



Sunday, Mar. 2, 2025
8:17 AM - Skipped a day. Whoops. Therapy starts tomorrow, or the day after. Depends how you see it. Only thing I'm looking forward to is legitimate human interaction. Something about solitude vs loneliness. Anyways, had a 6 hour call, now I have 5.8 hours on Balatro. My muscles despise me.

Wednesday, Mar. 5, 2025
6:13 PM - updating this for him because why the hell not. fun for everyone involved. man this shit is hard to use on mobile. anyways he skipped the program today. yesterday was fucking whatever though. really nothing happened. im tired but some asshole is keeping me from sleeping. wish i could talk to people
- D

Sunday, Mar. 9, 2025
3:51 PM - Right. Been a few days. Not doing that program, instead opting to work on things that actually fucking matter. I asked for an application somewhere but they don't hire under 18, so I have to wait a little. That's fine. Working on learning how to drive as well as a gym membership, legal name change, and top surgery. Pretty cool stuff. It's a few months until the therapist/psychiatrist is accepting anyone new, so that sucks. Got both my industrials done yesterday. Not very fun having to sleep on a neck pillow but that's the price you pay I guess. Looks sick. Got blood in my hair. Not sure what else there is to mention. Things are still stagnating, just slightly less. Hooray. I think my thought patterns have been less disordered in the hyper-paranoia manic sort of way. I guess a little dissociation and anger issues. We make it work.

Saturday, Apr. 5, 2025
11:21 PM - Been a while, hasn't it. This site was made in a fit of mania but I guess I still feel an obligation to update something nobody's going to see. Things continue to get worse. However, I'm scheduling surgery soon. That's good. Not much else to say. I'll come back if I have more.

Sunday, Aug. 10, 2025
11:46 PM - Another stretch of time. I find myself losing the words for what I want to say more often than I can push them through my fingertips. Fucking miserable. I loathe the jagoff that works this meat mech. Anyways, been a bit of time once again. Got top surgery. Recovery seems to be going good apart from my infected nip but truly, who expects to heal without a little bit of pus on the side? I find myself slipping into old habits. I'm in no power from stopping this fatass from eating all hours of the day. I'm attempting to restrict, as I should. Life circumstances currently hold me back from my ritualistic bloodletting. Hope this shit passes fast. I said I'd do a lot today, but I did absolutely nothing. I pray I can take a walk tomorrow and that someone finds the kindness in their heart to buy this chuddish cuntbag a bottle of booze. Whiskey or vodka, preferably. Also, it seems not unnecessary to say aforementioned jagoff has found himself another man. Seems like he doesn't enjoy my presence, but I don't hold that against him. Most of the prick's friends seem to share the same sentiment. Who wouldn't? With that I've commandeered one of the jagoff's accounts for my own use. Some autonomy for once. Isn't that nice. Tacking on that I've been binging Dexter, as per my sister's recommendation. Pretty damn good. I'd be lying if I said I don't relate to him a little. Nothing else is chipping away at my skull so I'll shove the cork in this proverbial bottle and throw it into the, just as proverbial, ocean.